Through Her and In Her

Day 14

Some say that you don’t understand the love of God until you become a parent. On June 25, 2008, we experienced the birth of our first daughter. There is no doubt that my heart soared like an eagle that day. As I embraced my newfound fatherhood more and more that first year of Maria’s life, I felt as if I had a completely new understanding and connection to God the Father. If I, a sinful man, could look over my sleeping child’s bed with a tidal wave of love in my heart, how much more must God the Father love his children? Could it be possible? My human brain cannot even comprehend the depths of such an intense and divine love. One of the greatest gifts the Lord has given us is the gift of fatherhood.

Today is our final day of reflection on Joseph, Spouse of Mary. As we contemplate, it makes sense to bridge this topic with the next: Joseph, Father of Jesus. This gift and dignity that God gives each of us as fathers can only happen in and through our spouse! It’s a very simple truth that is so easily forgotten. We miss it daily. Even when we are conscious enough to thank God for our children, do we thank our spouse? She is the one that gives us our fatherhood. It is only through her that this is possible. She is the vessel in which God awards man with his greatest dignity!

St. Joseph sheds even more light and clarity on this reality. In the mind and heart of Joseph, this truth was even more glaring as he was not the biological father of Jesus. Joseph’s child was not the conception of love between he and his spouse. His child, and therefore his fatherhood, came as a pure gift from the Holy Spirit and Mary. It was the work of God cooperating with the most vulnerable “Yes” in human history. With such a miraculous conception, there is no question that Joseph understood exactly where his fatherhood came from and hence where he owed his deepest gratitude.

Personal Reflection:

Imagine a world in which all husbands adored their children and spouses and went to great lengths to express their love and affection for them. Imagine a world with more men like St. Joseph!

For part one of your examination of conscience today, if you are a father, reflect on how well you have cherished the gift of fatherhood. I have no doubt Joseph considered his earthly fatherhood of the Christ-child to be both his greatest dignity and greatest gift from God.

For part two of your examination of conscience, ponder whether or not your spouse understands the depths of gratitude you have for her in giving you the gift of your fatherhood. Make a resolution today to affirm with her that she has given you the greatest gift. Convey to her the dignity that she deserves. Thank her for her vulnerability. A woman will tell you that her life is flipped upside down when she gets pregnant, especially for the first time. Everything changes. She needs to know what that gift of herself means to you.

Ask St. Joseph to show you the secrets of his heart and therefore set yours ablaze with the love and gratitude for your bride. Ask him to help you love your spouse as he loved Mary.

Heavenly Father, help me to always be thankful for the gift of my spouse. Help me to honor and cherish her all the days of my life. Thank you for bringing us together in your providence.

St. Joseph, unveil for me the love of the Holy Spirit present in my spouse. Amen.

Spouse of Our Lady of Sorrows

Day 12

Do you ever notice particular lines from a song that strike you so deeply that you will never forget them? One such line for me comes from the band MercyMe and their song, “Bring The Rain.”  The song begins,

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through.
The question just amazes me.
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?

For many of us, the circumstances that life brings can oftentimes take away our peace. If we allow it, difficult situations can diminish our joy and even lead us into despair. The song lyrics above bring such amazing clarity and truth! We cannot allow the storms of this life to rob us of our joy, but in our trials trust in the Lord as he promises, “The joy of the Lord will be my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10).

This recalls to mind a story of one of my close friend’s father. Michael Morton was wrongly incarcerated in the 1980s for the brutal murder of his wife. He lost his spouse, his three year-old son, and his freedom for the next quarter century. Moreover, practically everyone he had ever known or loved presumed he was guilty. In prison, this man went through all the emotions of anger and hatred, but several years into his sentence he had a radical conversion. As he grew in his relationship with the Lord, he came to an understanding that even if he never got out of prison, he was content with his life. Why? How? Because he came to understand in the depths of his being that:

  • God is real.
  • God is wise.
  • God loves him.

Mr. Morton says in the documentary, An Unreal Dream, “If you understand these three things, what is your problem?” Twenty-five years after entering prison in the most miraculous of circumstances, Michael Morton was finally vindicated and exonerated of all charges. DNA testing had proved his innocence and life in prison was no longer. He was set free! I have seen him dozens of times, and he is never without a smile. He literally radiates joy. My good friend, now an adult, was the three year-old who lost his mother to murder and his father to prison. He, too, has found the Lord and lives with great joy.

I have heard more than a few priests talk about the three rings of marriage. The bride’s ring, the groom’s ring, and suffer-ring. When Mary and Joseph brought their newborn son to the temple, a new concern was brought to their attention. Simeon prophesized to Mary, “Your heart will be pierced by a sword” (Luke 2:35). Can you imagine what it would feel like to hear that your wife’s heart will be pierced by a sword? From a human perspective, that news would certainly leave you uneasy, whether you are a saint or not. I, for one, would probably think it about and worry about it every moment of every day. Spouses take on the pain of their beloved even more than if it were their own!

Sometimes we are tempted to think that the Holy Family just had it easy and that the circumstances of their life must have been so peaceful. The truth is that the storms surrounding their lives were an all-out war. From the very beginning, Herod tried to kill their child, and we all know how the story ended 33 years later.

How could Joseph and Mary live with joy under these difficult circumstances in life? The joy of the Lord was their strength!

St. Joseph lived with Jesus for approximately thirty years on this earth. He came to a deep understanding, just like Bart Millard of MercyMe and Michael Morton, that circumstances cannot possibly change who he was in the heart and mind of God. This truth prevailed over any and every circumstance of life…even knowing that a sword would soon pierce the heart of his spouse.

“Bring the Rain” continues:

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above,
Because You are much greater than my pain.
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny,
So tell me: what’s a little rain?

Personal Reflection:

Difficult things have happened in the past, and you can worry about what is to come in the future. However, if you live with Jesus in the present moment, he will give you a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). That is his promise. It won’t always be easy, but he will always be with you. If you lose sight of him, desperation may come but if you stay close to him and truly intimate with him like St. Joseph, then he will be your strength even in the midst of your weakness.  It’s precisely when we are weak that he is strong (Cf. 2 Corinthians 12:10).

  • When have your circumstances led you to a crisis of faith?
  • When has the Lord given you a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding?
  • How can you begin living a foretaste of paradise today?

Heavenly Father, help me to seek union with you through each day of my life. If I find that our union is lacking, may that be my reminder to unite myself to you once more. I lay all of my burdens at your feet. May your grace be sufficient. Help me to continue to live a life of peace and joy no matter what storms come my way. Give me the radical faith and trust to allow you to remain asleep in the boat while a storm raged! If I ever find myself sinking in the darkness of the night, I will call out your name, and you will calm my distress. Father, I lift up to you all those who have very heavy crosses to bear in this life. Run to them, Lord, and be their Prince of Peace. Restore them to your joy. In their weakness, be their strength.

St. Joseph, unveil for me the love of the Holy Spirit present in my spouse. Amen.